


Can’t let you go...

by zazajb



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 22:24:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1280986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zazajb/pseuds/zazajb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack can’t live without his beautiful Welshman so it’s time to leave... <br/>CoE compliant... [TRUST ME...PLEASE]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can’t let you go...

Title: Can’t let you go...  
Author: zazajb  
Rating: R, adult concepts, occasional language, M/M  
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, mentions of team  
Spoilers/ **Warnings** – Character death/COE compliant ** [ _trust me...yeah?_ ] **  
Summary: Jack can’t live without his beautiful Welshman so it’s time to leave... 

Fic masterlist:  [ http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html ](http://zazajb.livejournal.com/6286.html)

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters; they belong to RTD and the BBC even if they don’t know how to look after them properly. I also don’t own the gorgeous Mr AL or the song which inspired this little offering!  [ http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=tAkpG5-X-hg&NR=1 ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=tAkpG5-X-hg&NR=1)  
  
X-posted here, there and everywhere - apologies to those getting this multiple times

A/N This is for the awesome [](http://thrace-adams.livejournal.com/profile)[**thrace_adams**](http://thrace-adams.livejournal.com/) , without whose absolutely fantastic Adommy fic I’d never had found this amazing music...with love and thanks :D

  
  


** Can’t let you go... **

A lonely silhouette on the hilltop overlooking Cardiff, Jack’s warm breath made tiny clouds in the frosty air. Hands driven deep into his pockets, he stood motionless and waited, as his unwilling head swirled with memories... _Ianto...it’s all my fault..._

The 456...after all these years they were back and demanding more children, so many more children... What they wanted them for was a mystery, but after his failure back in sixty five... _I was a different person then...before him...before he loved me, made me better...Ianto..._ This time was going to be different – he was going to stop them... _if_ they could survive the Government’s attempts to kill them all first... 

Driven underground like soldiers of fortune...a hint of a smile flashed over his face, they’d often curled up on Ianto’s sofa to watch the A-Team... He choked back a sob and clenched his hands into fists as the hurt gouged a fresh trail into his heart, remembering Ianto’s determined operation to rescue him from his concrete hell...by throwing him off a cliff! The look they’d exchanged as they were reunited said it all – beaten and bloody, they were still in the fight and he knew that he was invincible when he had this beautiful man at his side...

What he’d forgotten in his moment of triumph, was that Ianto wasn’t invincible...the man he loved wasn’t immortal...he died _and he stayed dead_... _my Ianto...I’m so sorry..._ The tears ran unchecked down his face as that final image in the makeshift morgue forced itself to the surface...he looked asleep... _Ianto..._ Scrubbing his face as he reasserted control, he resumed his previous motionless stance. 

He finally looked up again as Gwen and Rhys approached, panting from the climb. Gwen looked well, pregnancy suited her. She gave him a tiny smile “...couldn’t have just chosen a pub, could you?”

Jack forced a grin as Rhys stamped on the ground “It’s bloody freezing...my feet!”

“Ah, I missed that – the Welsh complaining!” The smile finally reached his eyes “you look good...”

“I look huge!” her hands caressed her swollen belly tenderly.

“She’s bloody gorgeous!” Gwen squeezed her husband’s fingers at his declaration, stepping forward to fix her Captain with a penetrating stare...endless questions swirling unasked in her eyes before she settled for a quiet “you okay?”

Jack shrugged minutely “Yeah...” he lied... _guess it was not meant to be, but it’s not as bad as it seems..._

She nodded, “did it work?”

“Travelled all sorts of places, but this planet is too small...the whole world is like a graveyard... _it only burns when I breathe, yeah..._

“Come back with us...”

“I haven’t travelled far enough yet – got a lot of dust to shake off my shoes and right now there’s a cold-fusion cruiser surfing the ion reefs just at the edge of the solar system just waiting to open its transport dock...” he looked at her, eyes glistening with fresh tears... _you saw the way that I fell, but I’m better off by myself..._ ”I just need to send a signal... _that’s the tale I like to tell, yeah..._

Gwen dug in her pocket and pulled out Jack’s missing wrist strap “they found it in the wreckage... indestructible – like its owner!”

Jack bit back a cry as _that image...Ianto, motionless, his cold, unresponsive hand held between Jack’s own..._ He forced it aside only for his anguish-filled, restless travels to flood his head... _but it’s not that easy for me to say goodbye_  – the azure blue of the Mediterranean ocean sparkling in the morning sun, the exact shade of Ianto’s eyes; the snowy-capped mountains of Switzerland, a reminder of Ianto’s favourite Swiss cotton dress shirt; vibrant reds of the Australian sunset, a match to his range of ties...ties they would use for all sorts of bedtime fun as well as sitting in a perfect knot at his Welshman’s throat...the heady fragrance of the early evening heather in the Highlands bringing back images of lying outdoors wrapped only in  Jack’s coat, panting and sated, limbs entwined as they came down from their orgasmic high... 

An almost inaudible whimper escaped his lips as Gwen continued hesitantly, seeing the pain swirling in his eyes “I, er, put on a new strap for you...”

“Cost me fifty quid, that!” Rhys grinned, attempting to lift the mood.

It almost worked – a brief glimpse of the Jack of old surfacing, “Bill me!”

Gwen’s voice dropped to a whisper as Jack fastened the strap around his wrist and pressed a button. “Are you ever coming back, Jack?”

_And everything in me wants you back in my life..._ ”What for?” _Ianto...can’t let you go..._

“Me...” her voice broke “It wasn’t your fault...”

“I think it was...” _can’t let you go..._

“No!”

“Stephen and Ianto...” _It feels like the dawn of the dead..._ “and Owen and Tosh...” _Like a bomb going off in my head...”_ and Suzie and all of them, because of me...” _Never a moment of rest, yeah..._

“But you saved _us_...” Gwen pleaded, tears filling her eyes “...didn’t you?”

Jack looked at his feet, his voice low and flat “I began to like it and look what I became...still...” he took a breath in, a breath that burned his throat as had every single one since he’d walked away from Thames House, leaving his reason for living behind...”it’s time to find another one...” _Nothing kills more than to know that this is the end of the road..._

Gwen’s tears spilled down her face “But they died and I _am_ sorry, Jack, but you can’t just run away...” she reached towards him desperately “...don’t run away...”

Jack’s shoulders slumped and he finally allowed his tears to fall freely... _and I know I gotta let go, ooh_ Memories flowed thick and fast – Ianto’s little smile, that just-for-Jack-when-we’re-alone smile that curved the corners of his perfect mouth; stolen kisses in the kitchen as Ianto created coffee perfection at the hub; those moments at the start of the day when it was just them sharing the first coffee of the day...

_But it’s not that easy for me to say goodbye..._ Ianto coming undone as Jack kissed his way down the Welshman’s body, every brush of lips like fire on his heated skin, eyes darkened with a combination of love, passion and lust, hips canting off the bed as Jack’s mouth got closer to his quivering arousal...a _nd everything in me_ w _ants you back in my life..._ their first kiss as he’d tipped the Welshman’s chin up to press their lips together with the softest of touches, delicious shivers chasing down their spines as Ianto melted into his embrace and he captured his mouth once more, relishing the feel of those soft and sensual lips moving sweetly beneath his own as fingers threaded through hair...  

  _Can’t let you go..._

Leaning over the rails outside the Tourist Information Office, looking out to sea as they licked ice cream off each other’s fingers on an unusually hot April day...

_ Can’t let you go... _

Rolling around the grubby warehouse floor as they captured Myfanwy...lips just millimetres apart – there had been an attraction from the start...despite Lisa hidden in the basement... _Ianto..._

_ Can’t let you go... _

Swapping snarky remarks with Owen – Ianto had become closer to the acerbic medic in Jack’s absence during the year-that-never-was, the doctor showing a softer side to his character as the team bonded in their efforts to cope. On his return Jack would stand in his office and watch them all... _Ianto...I’m so sorry I let you down..._

_ Can’t let you go... _

After a close call with a weevil, Ianto looking at him moments before their lips met in a hungry kiss, tongues duelling for dominance as they each swept the contours of the other’s mouth with possessive intent and lost themselves in the moment, revelling in the pleasures of simply being alive... _Ianto...I...I lo..._

The picture shifted and they were back in front of that tank...in that room on Floor 13...Ianto was in his arms gazing up at him, realisation in his eyes that he was going to...d... _don’t..._ he’d been so terrified of saying goodbye, of losing the man he loved, of laying himself open to the pain of loss that all he could say to Ianto’s dying declaration of love was _don’t..._ What he wanted to do was scream that he’d loved Ianto for so long...that he couldn’t live without him...that Ianto made him complete and...just three little words...I...love...you...yet he still couldn’t say them, not when they would be the last words he ever said to him... _I’m so sorry Ianto, my beautiful Welshman...and I do love you...with everything that I am..._

The kaleidoscope turned again and he was reviving on the floor...the memories of pressing his lips to Ianto’s, sharing the last of his life-force, sending icy shards to shatter his heart into a million tiny pieces and he caught his breath... _wish I could just find a way to have all your memories erased..._ I can’t forget...the pain won’t go away, I can’t live without you and I can’t die... _Ianto..._

“In a thousand year’s time you won’t remember me...”’ _cos constantly they’re haunting me, yeah_

Ianto in the archives, sleeves rolled up, jacket off as he’s bent in concentration over some alien artefact, pin-striped wool-blend stretched taught over his gorgeous backside, a mischievous wink directed over his shoulder at the CCTV camera, knowing that Jack would be wriggling in his chair as he struggled to complete his paperwork... _but it’s not that easy for me to say goodbye..._

Ianto beside him as they faced down the 456, determined and resolute “you’re not getting a single solitary child...” _And everything in me_ w _ants you back in my life..._ reassuring arms and soft Welsh vowels soothing him back from the darkness after another death...gentle hands and tender kisses chasing away the agony of the violent hauling over broken glass that accompanied every return...

_ Can’t let you go... _

Ianto’s hands smoothing the heavy fabric of Jack’s coat over his shoulders, the brief resting of the Welshman’s warm body against his back before they headed out... _Ianto..._

_ Can’t let you go... _

Laughing with Tosh as he teased her for her ever-growing collection of CCTV clips of them, the pretty Japanese tech genius blushing prettily before sending the latest additions to Jack’s computer where Ianto would be tugged into his Captain’s lap and they’d watch them together, sharing soft kisses that grew progressively deeper, tongues dancing, teeth clashing, passion bruising lips...

_ I can’t let you go... _

Jack met Gwen’s tear-filled gaze and she winced at the agony etched on his face “Yes I can... _watch me...”_ as he vanished from sight and she was left reaching into empty space before Rhys folded her into his arms as she sobbed.

Tears shining in his eyes, Jack closed the prism and slipped it into the top drawer of his desk. It hurt to breathe as he realised just how close he’d come to losing his precious Welshman. As he’d heard the familiar grating sound of the TARDS he’d carefully extricated himself from Ianto’s arms, not wanting to disturb the sleeping man, and dragged his trousers on before climbing swiftly up the ladder. 

There was no sign of the Doctor or the blue Police Box, but the prism had been left in the middle of his desk with a post it: _Jack. Your eyes only._ It was unsigned, but Jack would know that writing anywhere. Now forewarned was forearmed...at some point in the future the 456 would return and Ianto would perish unless he kept him away from Floor 13...

Until then, however, he had three very important words to share with the beautiful man now laying awake down in his bunk. Sending a silent message of thanks to the Doctor, Jack slid back down the ladder, shed his trousers and returned to the welcome warmth of Ianto’s arms, their lips meeting in a tender kiss that quickly became hot and messy as they revelled in their closeness in the tiny space.

Pulling apart, long pleasurable minutes later to gasp air back into their lungs, Jack stroked a finger softly down the side of his Welshman’s face as he gazed into his crystal blue eyes “I love you, Ianto Jones...” he kissed him lightly “I love you very much...” The look in Ianto’s eyes sent thrills coursing through him, their mouths crashing together as he gave himself to everything that was _Ianto..._

_ End _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Reposted from my LJ


End file.
